First Anniversary

It has been almost a month since I visited my blog to pen down my thoughts. I am always surrounded by my students with their never-ending doubts. It's not that I am complaining about it rather I get an immense happiness and satisfaction to realize that I can be of some help to my students. Though educators get to be in touch with the latest information to update one's knowledge, I suppose we hardly get time to be with oneself. I strongly believe that one need to spend quality time with self to grow as an individual. What could be the best way to spend quality time with self than to reflect on every raw and unrefined thoughts and transform it into refined words. I have always wanted to write everything I feel, see, and hear, no matter how personal it might be because whenever I write, I feel free. It's one of the ways to pour out my feelings, both positive and negative. Therefore, today I am going to write about something which I haven't dared to openly talk to anyone, not even to myself, with the hope that by the time I finish this article, it might help me to come in terms with my nightmarish past.

Today I am going to write about one of the boldest thing I have ever done in my life. It was exactly one year ago when I lost my dumbest lover to another girl. Call it a sheer coincidence or f***king karma, she was past lover of my younger cousin brother. My cousin broke up with her as I, somehow, managed to convince him to leave her as she wasn't the kind of girl that I wanted to be the part of my family. Since I am one of the elder family members, I am highly respected and valued by my younger siblings. So, he paid heed to me and decently walked away from her. I was clueless of the worst part to come in my way.

After a year, f***king karma kicked me so hard on my arse that I am still confused and shocked the hell out of my life. I wouldn't say that I was in perfect relation with my a**hole pre-owned person (lover), but I can't deny the fact that I was happy with him. If I say that I wasn't happy back then, I would be lying to myself. Things between me and my pre-owned person weren't as good as it initially started off. Crappy stuffs led to countless fights and I strongly felt and sensed that both of us were drifting further and further with number of fights and illogical fights increasing day by day. Those were the days which make me shiver with terrible cold and I can still feel horrifying goose bumps when I recall those sleepless nights with haunting silence between us. We were cohabiting as if two people are compelled to live together at gun point. During those horrifying days, one night while my pre-owned person was out, I received a call from my dear friend. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard that my pre-owned person was seen driving my car with unknown woman in the front seat. I was so shocked and wanted to get it clarified from horse's mouth but somehow, I stopped from doing so. I still don't know why I didn't charge him of fooling around with another woman while he was still in relation with me. Anyways, I started getting numerous information from my friends and loved ones about them. I acted as if I was clueless of his affair. I let him to continue seeing her.

 Later, one fine day, I came to know through my best friend that the unknown woman, who was going out with my pre-owned person was none other than my cousin brother's ex-lover, whom I have diligently kept out of my brother's life. The most shocking fact is that she was my student. I taught her and she has seen me several times with my pre-owned person. Seems like she had her eyes on him long time back, which I was completely not aware of. The fact that my student had a guts to sleep with my pre-owned turn me into an insane woman. The very next day, I went to her teaching practice school with every intention of breaking every single bone in her fragile body. When I reached her school, I couldn't find her as she was on medical leave. I then rushed to hospital and I was disappointed to know that she was nowhere to be found. I knocked each and every door to search her. Finally, I found her. I then bashed her with all my might and rushed back to my workplace. I, honestly, don't remember how I drove to and back from the place where I hit her.

When I reflect back on that day's incident, I wonder from where the hell did I get the courage to bash her. I wasn't angry for losing my pre-owned person to her as he is one of the most cunning, selfish, self-centered, disloyal, arrogant, proud, and egoistic person on this earth. The sole purpose for bashing her was to let her realize that what she did was completely not acceptable and not ethical. I didn't lose a gem to her rather I am thankful for setting me free from the strong claws of dominating person. What could be the best way to remind me of what happened one year ago then to hear such a delightful news about their marriage.

This article is my gift for the newly wed couple :). My first anniversary of bashing her up coincides with their wedding anniversary.

I whispered a fond 'Adieu'

I know the title of the article gives a mental picture about good bye but this article is not about saying goodbye, it is to thank you. All those bittersweet memories we shared came back to me like a flashback in an instant as I journeyed towards the place we spent most of our time.

When I reached the place where we met for the first time, it was almost dusk. Out of my habit, which we used to do while we were together, I took out my fancy mobile out of my clutch purse and started taking countless snaps of beautiful sunset. Oh boy! You should have seen it. The scene of sun setting beautifully with dusking clouds around was breathtaking. At that point of time, as I took pictures I realized 'Old habits die hard'. And I am glad that I still continue our rituals as that is the only way of taking you along with me for good.

While I captured beautiful sunset from different angle, I was bit nostalgic. Yet I thanked you for coming into my life and giving me endless joy. Thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Most of all, thank you for all those memories which I will cherish forever and showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.

I sat in the same spot where we kissed for the first time. I couldn't help carefully studying each and everything in and around the canopy. As my eyes scanned the place, I realized that nothing has changed. The same old wall cracks were still prominently visible. Yet so many things have changed in our lives. We started off as a couple, whom everybody envied and now! look at us. You are happily married and I am happy with my family and freedom. I might be pitied upon by my readers as I point out his marital status but I must say I have never been more happier to see him leading happy-married life as I have his past while she has his present and future. As I thought of old-us, I felt a sharp and penetrating cold as if somebody walked over my grave. I get goose bumps whenever I cross the places we have been.

After sitting there for a couple of hours, my body started becoming numb due to cold wind brushing against my thin dress. So, I decided to make my trip back to home as it was getting very late. Moreover, I was making my emotional state very horrible by sitting there. Before speeding away from that place, which means a world to me, I gave a last look and whispered 'Good bye, babyla' with a smile on my face and teary eyes.

These are few pictures out of many, that I took that day :)

Note: Sunset will never cease make me happy yet wonder about my life.

Orange Cup Cake

Though I can't describe myself as a person who is into chocolates, cakes, and pastries as I am not a sugar person, but whenever I have a craving for pastry, the particular incident of 'Orange cup cake' cross my mind.

On that fateful day, I rode with my ex lover for a long drive during one particular weekend. As we drove by, a fancy bakery shop came to our sight and suddenly I had a craving for pastry. I yelled, 'Babyla! There is bakery. I want to have a cake'. He questioned me, 'Since when you eat sweet things?'. As it was quite unlike me to pamper my taste buds with sweet food and snacks. Anyways, we made an appearance in the shop. As always, he decided to have an ice cream and as expected I was scanning each and every pastry item in the shop. He was getting restless and irritated with this silly habit of mine. Since he was eyeing me with dangerous look, I had to randomly pick the one which was nearby. So, I selected an orange cup cake.

Later as I narrated the incident to my lil' cousin at home. She was taken back. She could picture me, even in her wildest dream, having cake. As I always ensure that every food item that enters my refrigerator contains salt instead of sugar. I realized as I narrated her about the orange cup cake that I actually liked the savor of it. I went to bed with a promise to her that I will get orange cup cake for her as well, next time if I happen to travel towards that place.

After a couple of months, my ex had some work to be done on Sunday at that place and he decided to take me along to avoid boredom, I suppose. I was thrilled to accompany him as I thought it will serve dual purpose: to spend quality time with him as well get an orange cup cake for my lil' cousin.

As bad luck has it. Few strangers were in front of bakery shop. He knew them. So, he wasn't willing to get the hell out of the car. I was so excited to get a cake but he won't move an inch. I was so frustrated that I tore all the money that I had placed firmly in my tiny hand.

Since then my dislikes for pastries has increased though at times, the sweet taste of an orange cup cake lingers in my mind for quite a long period of time. I had it once and that was all. It was like a fling but with an orange cup cake :)


Now, after my break up with him, when I ponder about that incident of him not willing to be seen with me by those people from his workplace, I get the message clearly but how could I be so blind and foolish. I really was naïve.

Note: He played the role of antagonist in my very brief yet mouth-watering affair with an orange cup cake. My lil' cousin never got to taste it. She still mocks me about my promise to get her an orange cup cake.

Marriage

Its a universal fact that when we are in 20s, we will be surrounded by curious people who will  ask non-stop questions related to marriage. It is very hard to take the thoughts of settling down off from my mind. As I had been repeatedly questioned by my loved ones about my so-called plans about my marital status and interest. I had been turning deaf ears to their plead to get married. I feel uneasy to get in touch in my friends who are happily married as they talk about their husband and babies. Then they will try to convince me to give a second thought to get married. I don't see a point in calling up a friend to catch up. I simply can't talk over with them. Can't I call up a friend just t to engage in a normal conversation?

Now, the question is, does it really matter whether I marry? Is marriage the only important thing in one's life?


Just because I have a stable job doesn't mean that now it is the right time to get married. Marriage, I suppose, is a personal choice. So, people stop bothering me with questions related to marriage.